Three Pujas and an Operation - My Holiday Diary

29 December 2004 - Two days to New Year's Eve. The Holiday Season. Time to be happy and be with the ones you love. Then what am I doing crouched up on half the upper berth of a Sleeper Coach of the Chennai Express reading a book (which is ironically, about how to live life to the fullest, even when faced with impending death) in very bad lighting wondering where my family is at that moment. Because you see, the problem with my family is, we are too cosmopolitan. Not just in the 'What? - Your whole family boozes together - Wow you are so lucky man!' sense, but also literally ; my dad is based in New Delhi and was then working somewhere in Jamshedpur, my mom had embarked on a trip to Calcutta, Darjeeling and Gangtok, the rest of my family was in three different places in Hyderabad and I was en route to Chennai. Home is where the heart is and unfortunately, my heart, at that moment, lay scattered across the country. That's when it hit me in the face - in two years time I would start living on my own (living in a hostel on your parents' money is hardly that) and inspite of all the pride I take in my maturity and my independence, I felt as if I were being forced to grow up too soon.
(I know 21 is not too soon by any standards, but then, we all have our weak moments)

And in case you were wondering why I was on half a berth - it was because my travel bags were taking up all the remaining space. I am the kind of guy who leaves his cellphone unattended but is afraid that his 20 kg backpack might be stolen.

REWIND.

20 December 2004 - The whole family escorts my grandmother to the eye hospital where she has to undergo a corrective procedure. She is diabetic and 72 years old, making this a risky proposition. But she is unfazed. And she has faith. A lesson to learn, there. More important lesson - Pray for the doctor who gets her as a patient. I love her, no doubt, but she can be very unreasonable at times. After half an hour of continuous questioning...and badgering, (even things like - "Doctor, Science has progressed so much, how is it that you can't guarantee that this simple operation will be 100% successful;I am sure the other institute wouldn't say so ...and many many more) she is finally satisfied. Doesn't matter - she has earned it. So, Granny, keep doing what you do best. And of course, I will keep doing what I always have...

19 December 2004 - Hmmm....Friends from school met up and some of us went bowling afterwards...good day, could have been a lot better...


16 December 2004 - Its 1 am and the temperature outside is 10 degrees(for a Hyderabadi that is COLD). What would you rather do?

I give you three options:

a) Cuddle up in your bed under a warm blanket and sleep for atleast 7 more hours

2) Watch Premier League Football and argue with your brother while your mom serves you hot
chocolate

b) Sit in a totally dark room of a newly constructed house (as of then, without window panes) while a pujari chants mantras while you wonder what gods would want to be disturbed at this unearthly hour.

Don't get me wrong - I respect all religions and in most cases, the poeple's sentiments behind their performing rites and rituals. But, why at 1 am in the morning? And that too when we all come back at 10 am later that day to perform more pujas ? For somebody who has been brought up in a totally carefree way and has a had a carte-blanche with respect to not only religion but also belief, it is difficult to come to terms with these ideas.

What I did realise, that I could very well have said that I didn't want to attend and stayed at home or even have not gone back to Hyderabad (this was THE reason for my going back in the vacation) by saying that I had some work here. But I didn't. I didn't run away. My sister wanted me there - and there I was.

I know it's a very poor example to illustrate the fact that you can't run away from everything you don't like in life, but for me it was quite a revelation. That I could set my problems aside for one night...that I still cared(...that I could stay awake for 24 hours at a stretch). Things that I had assumed I was incapable of or had forgotten.


12 December 2004 - I actually spend money and blog from a cyber cafe ! As Mr./Ms. Blissfully Egoistic remarked - OMG, what was I thinking??? But then, perhaps, I wasn't, as can be seen from the totally pointless nature of that blog.

Reasonable Assumption:
On all missing dates in between, the blogger slept through the morning, read novels through the afternoon and watched TV through the night.

FAST FORWARD.

1 January 2005 - Could there be a better way to welcome the new year than sitting in Quark and drinking tea with a friend while wondering whether atleast this year we will score...?

The Costliest Blog on the Planet !

Well, even you would say that if you were paying 15 bucks an hour to surf the internet and then trying to figure out what to blog about. I have been at home for the past one week and I have already yielded to gluttony and sloth - my past masters; and the most interesting incident that has occurred till now has been that I fell of my couch laughing when i saw an advertisement about Britney Spears releasing her greatest hits album.

I did see Ocean's Twelve the day it released - and contrary to the reactions it is getting, I thought it was a really good movie. It never makes any pretensions about being anything other than a comic caper. It constantly makes fun if itself and the people in it and this is what makes it worth watching.

And one more thing I have been doing, in fact the ONLY thing I have
been doing is reading this totally engrossing (also meaning one which will gross most of you out) book called A Clash of Kings by George R.R.Martin. If you haven't read any of Martin's books yet, I suggest you do - worth its while i guarantee.

And whatever other nonsense I want to put in here, I don't think it's worth getting bitten by mosquitoes while I pay for it through my already runny nose...

So till I am in a more hospitable environment, it's adios amigos...

And so the battle weary knight returns from his noble quest, to the place he calls home, from the place which has been his home and his personal warzone. Mind you, this has not been a battle against the monsters against whom he has fought, however half-heartedly, for the past two years of this sojourn, but rather, against the very principles and ideals which he imagined were dead and buried in summers long gone. And he owes it to the all seeing ghost who has sowed the seeds of self doubt in our hero by forcing him to think long and hard about the total lack of meaning in his life.

Thank you, lazy ghost.

So this winter, a new quest begins...answers will be sought, past demons will be put to rest and a purpose will be found for existence...

But first...there is the matter of food, sleep and some G.R.R Martin to take care of...so let's postpone the adventures for now shall we?...(Damn...this procrastination is one more thing thats needs to be taken care of...)

A Normal Amount of Perspective

Here I am, at half-past two in the morning, wide awake, wondering what is wrong with my life. Before you say "Oh no, another whining session by Akhil about his life!", don't worry, I will rant about something else for a change. And what better way to let our frustrations out than complaining about the trials and tribulations we suffer here in IIT.

I made my peace with the IIT system long ago. A judicious mixture of indifference and tolerance has helped me to stay impervious to the kind of problems that many here seem to face. But last week wore down even a seasoned campaigner like me.


It all started when I and my friends, C and D, approached a professor for some work during the winter vacation. It is an entirely different matter that we had not met him for a month after he had asked us to read up on some topic. But there we were, trying to convince him that we had actually done some reading and would actually work seriously during the winter vacations. The professor is eager, he has ideas for experiments, so do we...but wait a minute, things are going too smoothly here! So we come to the first problem of our "project" - the Chemical Engineering Department of IITMadras does not have a spectrometer and we will have to borrow one from the Chemistry department. Very simple. No equipment, no analysis, no work. When confronted with the fact that the department was decades behind in available technology, our esteemed director said - "No Funds". Such a basic folly on our part not to have seen that coming. Who needs equipment in labs when we can all have dinner in a "Mega Mess", or sit around in plush chairs in the "Digital Knowledge Centre" in front of terminals which rarely work.

Last month, I had a similar experience when I broke a beaker in my lab. I was sent to the Stores to ask the Super there to order a new one. And he told me, " Ask the professor to write a letter to the Head of Department requisitioning a new flask, only then I will be able to order." If one has to go through "channels" for a !@#$%!&^# flask, no wonder our labs are so pathetic.
Much ado about one LOUSY flask, I thought.

And this doesn't end here. This week we had to register for courses for the next semester. We had to pick two electives out of six. Imagine our surprise when our faculty advisors tell us to "divide ourselves equally into groups such that each group can take one particular elective". Their motive - to ensure that because they are offering so many courses, all of them must have students in it. Even if one of them is taken by a professor who doesn't exactly "like" us, and one of the other professors actually tells us not to take his course; and the whole concept of an elective is negated if they tell us which one to take. Ideally, it would be best if the students start working prior to this semester, so that they will know what subjects to strengthen their skill sets in. But unfortunately, things like these were never explained in such a simple manner. All we get are either orders, or incoherent ramblings from our guides.


All I am asking here is that they don't discount our views totally. I have come to realise that undergraduates do not matter much here, but at the same time, there will always be people who have rational opinions and hearing them out once in a while will not harm anybody. And the icing on the cake is that we actually get letters from the powers-that-be, that creativity seems to be dying down in IIT, and we need to figure out what is wrong. We can tell you, Mr. Director, if only you had listened to us properly...


But then, if wishes were horses...

Of Memories and Butterflies

If you are wondering what could possibly connect these, do not worry, for there are no deep or hidden meanings that I am going to explore. This is about one day which I spent watching two movies, and was pleasantly surprised to find both of them pretty interesting.

The morning of Saturday the 23rd began in the usual humdrum way and I was looking forward to the tedium of writing inane lab reports and catching up on some much needed sleep, as my quizzes had just ended. It was then that I found the CD of this movie in my friend's room. I had missed it when it was screened during Shaastra (The Annual IITMadras Technical Festival), and wanted to see it. Ever since I saw Adaptation, I became an instant fan of Charlie Kaufmann, courtesy his wildly imaginative and very very wierd storylines. So it came as no surprise that this movie was being hailed by most critics and movie lovers as one of the best in a long time. So, on a nice sunny morning, I sat closeted in my room and watched "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind".

And it didn't disappoint. I am the first to admit that I am not very "deep" person and rarely understand things which require thought and a keen sense of understanding. Perhaps a major reason why I shun poetry, plays or anything else which I find difficult to grasp. Even movies sometimes leave me puzzled - like the ending in "Mystic River" or most of Kubrick's movies(except for Dr.Strangelove - that was bang on target).

But I digress.

The movie has a sort of a sleepy feel to it and you need to pay attention to figure out what is going on and even then at times you won't be able to. As it starts becoming clearer what is happening you begin to appreciate the amount of thought that has gone into the making of the movie. So, if you are a lover of cinema like me, watch it. One sincere request though. Please don't read any reviews/previews before watching it. You have to figure it out for yourself, that way you will find it much more rewarding.

The same request applies to the other film I watched that night. This was more of a conventional Hollywood thriller. It does try to break out of the mold by using a very intriguing concept in science - Chaos theory, but ultimately, winds up being a standard, nevertheless interesting movie. "The Butterfly Effect" is shot very well, with most scenes creating the desired effect, and it feels like a slick horror movie at times. The concept of trying to change our past and altering reality has been dealt with before, with varying results in my opinion ( Frequency - good, Time Machine - bad, Back to the future - excellent). This movie takes a darker route and actually manages to hold your attention, mainly due to the tight direction, and a very engaging performance by the protagonist(The kid who plays the younger version is even better). So if you do get a chance, watch it. It may leave you a bit confused as to the rationale behind some of the things that happen, but will definitely leave you at the edge of your seats.

And so it happened, that for a day (4 hours would be closer), I left behind all worries about having fared miserably in tests, about submitting lab reports on time or about washing a ton of clothes. The drudgery of everyday life, if only for a short while, did disappear. That's what movies are for I guess, helping me forget the sorry state of affairs in my life wherein I have to watch a movie alone on Saturday night sitting in my room. And if they make me think(refer earlier blog about my inability to do so), all for the better.

Vive le cinema!

Wasted Sunsets

Have you ever noticed that we tend to become lazier when we actually know that there is something we absolutely have to do. Maybe the generalisation isn't always true, but in my case it seems to be the rule rather than the exception. I am a fairly punctual chap, doing what is required, when it is required, and doing it with an acceptable level of proficiency. But lately the tendency to procrastinate has been on the rise. Am I getting complacent now that things seem to be falling in place in life and my worries of not amounting to much are slowly being forgotten? Or is it just some latent talent I didn't know I had which is surfacing now? Either way, this trend has got to end.
Thus,remembering what Kabir said about doing tomorrow's things today and today's work now, I take leave of you, promising myself I will finish what I have to do and then hopefully take time out(this doesn't qualify as procrastination, does it?) to post a more meaningful blog.
Till then, if anybody is actually reading this, please get back to work or whatever it is you were doing. Akhil has left the building.

The Alpha and the Omega

Finally, I have managed to take out some time to post a blog. Makes you wonder how busy I must be. I should have been, given the fact that we had quizzes going on, but from the way I fared in them, you wouldn't believe me if I said I was studying all night. What I was in fact doing, was rediscovering the magic of Seinfeld. I liked it when I saw it first on TV (this was during my "watch every sitcom, think you understand everything, think all of them are cool, brag about it to your friends" phase), but now I seem to have grasped the real meaning behind it....

...What the *bleep*? Sitcoms have meanings?

Apparently, for me they do. I can see the whole concept of "it's about nothing" being played out in my own life. I can't seem to find what direction life is taking, and am even more clueless on what to do about it. ERGO, my conclusion is, maybe life is about nothing. It is just a series of random occurrences over which you don't seem to have any control at all. And thus, I go on, NOT trying to find a purpose in life, NOT seeking the absolute truth, and in general, NOT doing anything that may jeopardise the advanced state of atrophy that my brain seems to have gone into.

Just exist. And watch Seinfeld, of course.

P.S. Don't try to ask me questions on how I can be like this. Justifications require thought, and as informed above, I AM NOT GOING TO THINK!